BillBailey
7 posts
Sep 21, 2009
8:21 AM
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Q. What do you get when you play the blues backwards?
A. Your dog doesn't run away, your woman comes back, and you don't wake up in the morning.
Q. What do a call a musician without a wife or girl friend?
A. Homeless.
Q. Why do harps have ten holes?
A. To increase the odds that one of them is in tune.
Doh.
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Bluzdude46
192 posts
Sep 21, 2009
8:40 AM
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Q. who likes to hang out with musicians besides groupies?
A. Drummers
Q. How do you get a Guitar Player to turn down his volume?
A. Put Sheet Music in front of him
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asilve3
25 posts
Sep 21, 2009
8:51 AM
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Q. who likes to hang out with musicians besides groupies?
A. Harmonica Players
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Oisin
347 posts
Sep 21, 2009
9:29 AM
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This isn't really a musical joke but an Irish one that I heard recently which, being Irish, I thought was hilarious.
Paddys wife goes to the doctor complaining that after ten years of marriage she had never had an orgasm.
The doctor advised her to relax and use a fan to keep her cool during sex. Paddy refused to pay money for a fan and asked his friend if he would mind waving a towel while they made love, but still she didn't orgasm.
Next day she asked Paddy if they could swap over and so Paddys friend made love to her and after 20 minutes of the best mind blowing sex she'd ever had, she orgasmed.
Paddy looked at his mate and said..." and that my old son, is how to flap a fecking towel!"
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b1ueskyz
34 posts
Sep 21, 2009
9:52 AM
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Irish it is then:
Mike and Timmy walked up to the convent and Mike knocked on the door. When Mother Superior answered the door Mike asked, "So could you be tellin' me now... Do you have any 3 foot tall nuns in the convent?"
Mother Superior replied, "No."
Mike turned to Timmy and gave him a cold stare then asked Mother Superior, "Well could you be tellin' me then... Do you have any 3 foot tall nuns in all of Ireland?"
Mother Superior replied, "No."
Mike turned to Timmy and again gave him a cold stare then asked Mother Superior, "So tell me now... Do you have any 3 foot tall nuns in the entire world?"
Mother Superior paused for a moment to think then replied, "No."
Mike turned to Timmy and said, "See, I told you, you've been boinkin' a penguin!"
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ElkRiverHarmonicas
221 posts
Sep 21, 2009
10:43 AM
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Q: How many bluegrass players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: At least 10. One to change the light bulb, nine to bitch about it being electric.
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www.elkriverharmonicas.com
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BillBailey
8 posts
Sep 21, 2009
11:31 AM
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Q. How many harp players does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five. One to change the bulb and four to argue how Little Walter would do it...
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Philosofy
273 posts
Sep 21, 2009
1:46 PM
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How do you know when a harp player is at the door? You always have to give him the key, and he never knows when to come in.
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nacoran
185 posts
Sep 21, 2009
2:51 PM
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Q: What's brown and sits on a piano bench?
A: Beethoven's Last Movement
So a man is doing research for his doctoral thesis on Beethoven, and in the course of his research he needs to find out what Beethoven wore when he was buried. Despite the expense and red tape he manages to get him dug up. When he opens the coffin he is startled to see a Beethoven in the coffin with sheet music and an eraser. The corpse is busy erasing all the works. A startled gasp slips past the lips of the started doctoral candidate, at which point Beethoven's corpse angrily looks up and shushes him... "Quiet, I'm decomposing."
(I've always heard that joke with Beethoven, but it doesn't make sense, since Beethoven's corpse should be deaf too!)
If you want to listen to music, listen to Bach... If you want to enjoy it, listen to Mozart.
Want to mess with a pianist living under the same roof? In the middle of the night, sneak down to the piano and as loudly as you can play a 4 chord, then a 5 chord, then go back to bed.
Q: What do you call a homeless man with violent tendencies?
A: The drummer.
Q: What do you call a lead singer?
A: Whatever he wants or he'll have a hissy-fit and break up the band.
Q: What do you call a drummer who can sing?
A: The world may never know.
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528hemi
43 posts
Sep 21, 2009
5:18 PM
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What do you get when you drop a piano down the shaft of a gold mine?
A flat minor.
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nacoran
188 posts
Sep 21, 2009
7:58 PM
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A little kid runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, when I grow up I want to be a drummer."
She answers, "Honey, you can't do both."
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Randy G. Blues
81 posts
Sep 21, 2009
8:34 PM
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After having to sit next to a beginning banjo player at a friendly jam at a friend's home, I got into Banjo Jokes... My two favorites:
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Q: What is perfect pitch with a banjo?
A: When you throw it over the piano and hit the accordion player in the head.
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Q: What's the difference between a chainsaw and a banjo?
A: You can tune a chainsaw, and a chainsaw has dynamic range.
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Luke Juke
39 posts
Sep 22, 2009
7:10 AM
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Q: How do you know that the drummer is at the door?
A: The knocking gets faster and faster
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cloud1i
13 posts
Sep 22, 2009
10:47 AM
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This happened when I first bought a battery operated chromatic tuner for learning my bends. I went badk to the music store a couple of days later and ask to see another chromatic tuner. The sales person, said, "didnt you get one the other day?" I told him yeah, but I want one with Bb, the one I got only has A#. He goes to me, "well, A# and Bb are the same notes!"
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oldwailer
898 posts
Sep 22, 2009
11:18 AM
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How do you break a harp players neck?
Slam the toilet seat when he's gettin a drink. . .
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