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beginner forum: for novice and developing blues harp players >
Blues jam anxiety
Blues jam anxiety
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ME.HarpDoc
35 posts
Nov 22, 2015
4:32 PM
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Several weeks ago I played in my first blues jam. I wasn't particularly nervous and the jam mates were supportive of my effort and the audience was encouraging.
Then I had company the following week, attended the next one just to listen and learn and skipped the next one with some excuse. The next session was the final time for the host band of 6 years and a lot of good players showed up so I didn't sign up.
Are you starting to get the gist here? I'm making excuses for not playing ( I don't play well enough, I'm not hitting the chord progressions, my timing isn't good, yadda, yadda, etc.)
This week I've been in Colorado and went to Ziggies in Denver to see Tony Holiday on Saturday (great harp!) with the intent on returning the next evening for their weekly Sunday jam. Tony even encouraged me to join him for the jam as did the owner of Ziggies. What did I do? I found a reason not to go (wife not feeling well, I was up late night before, too tired, not ready, yadda,yadda)
Tonight (Sunday) I've got another shot at it and I'm already finding reasons not to go (it's a 40 min drive, I've got to pack and get up at 5 am to get to the airport and, I'll finally admit, I'm anxious!)
I'm not sure of the source of my anxiety. I'm not usually concerned about speaking in front of an audience but then I'm usually covering a subject I'm confident about. I'm not confident about my playing and I forget what I want to do. To be fair, I'm probably better at improvising than I am at set patterns but, hey, I'm still anxious.
I'm hoping writing this is its own therapy and motivation. I'll let you know if I made tonight's jam or not.
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MindTheGap
782 posts
Nov 23, 2015
1:43 AM
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This sounds normal to me. I think doing the 'second one' (of performing) is often harder than the 'first one'. Different, certainly. Various subtle reasons, including that you can easily feel success with the first one simply by getting over the hurdle, and then nothing going wrong. Or if something does go wrong, seeing that it doesn't matter too much. How do you judge the second one? Are people suddenly going to expect you to be really good?
Let us know what happens. Sounds like you are in a supportive environment - that is worth a lot. And not a given thing!
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Rontana
216 posts
Nov 23, 2015
5:03 AM
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Anxiety is really tough, and perhaps performance anxiety is the most powerful and insidious of all its many manifestations. I've dealt with it all my life on an extreme scale - several decades of docs, meditation, medication, therapy, etc that go on to this day. I've had to make speeches in years past - several hundred people in the audience - and not even a handful of Xanax and/or half a bottle of rum would calm me down (the adrenaline just burned it right off).
You, on the other hand, seem to be in a different boat. This is based on the fact that you were already up on that stage once, and reading between the lines, it sounds like you did okay (at the very least).
I do believe you self-diagnosed the root of your hesitation when you spoke of confidence. When speaking on subjects that are firmly entrenched in your wheelhouse, you know your subject matter backward and forward. You're the expert, and there's no shred of doubt about what you're going to say or how you're going to say it. That's not the case with the harp.
I'd say, again, since you've already done it, you should not concern yourself with achieving perfection in an open mic, or worry about gaining the approval of more adept musicians. Rather, just go for your own personal best and try to enjoy playing for its own sake. Try not to worry about external factors. As MTG mentioned, it does sound like you have a lot of support there.
Best of luck, Doc. This sounds more like a case of the temporary jitters and a smidgen of normal stage fright than a major, deep-set anxiety issue. I believe if you just push through this, and get on stage again, the problem will evaporate. In fact, I think once you get on the stage and start playing you'll forget all about it and have a gas.
Last Edited by Rontana on Nov 23, 2015 5:12 AM
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jason campbell
61 posts
Nov 23, 2015
5:16 AM
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Anxiety is pretty normal, I'd guess. I'm not usually a nervous person, and I've played several jams with no issues, (even though I'm not a great player really), but the last time I played at the Open Mic at the Lizard Lounge in Cambridge, I could feel my lower back tensing up. It was weird, but I played through it.
Since then I've gone back to playing a local open mic where I'm comfortable and maybe that will get some more confidence up.
Hey, but if you ever travel south to Southern NH or Mass, let me know, I'll try to show up and support you.
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ME.HarpDoc
36 posts
Nov 23, 2015
12:23 PM
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So I went to Ziggies in Denver last night, introduced myself to the host band, befriended several patrons before the first set and was called up for the very first jam.
I felt very welcomed by all in the bar and that shut my anxiety right down. There was a 14yo drummer doing his first jam and I became a grandfather figure for him on stage, encouraging his playing.
After our set I received Kudos from other players and the next jam set had a great harp player. I approached him after his set to let him know how much I enjoyed his playing. He was a regular there and offered next time I was in town I was welcome to use his mic and amp (just visiting from Maine I had only brought my harmonicas and played directly through the PA mic).
BTW he played through an amp I'd never hear of, a Quilter 10 (100W, 10" speaker solid state) with what looked like a Shaker bullet mic. Sound was as good as many tube amps.
Thanks all for the understanding, sharing and encouragement
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Rontana
217 posts
Nov 23, 2015
4:06 PM
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Really glad to hear that it went so well, Doc. Major kudos to you!
Post us a video clip if the mood strikes; I'm sure we'd all like to hear you in action.
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MindTheGap
784 posts
Nov 24, 2015
8:25 AM
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Excellent. Yes, it'd be great to hear a clip.
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ME.HarpDoc
43 posts
Nov 28, 2015
10:33 AM
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I've got a video on my iPhone but don't know how to get here other than start a You Tube account. Any suggestions
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New but determined
11 posts
Nov 28, 2015
12:34 PM
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Just if??? I was about to ask but then noticed you had played another jam. There is a great open mic event weekly near where I live. Several friends really pushed me to perform with my guitar. After six months I finally did it and I couldn't believe how badly I was shaking before the performance. It went well enough, I got lots of support from singer songwriters and guitar players but part of the deal is these people are wonderful and supportive- very encouraging, you can only have a bad evening of you decide that's what's going to happen. So I went back the next week with a couple more pieces of my own and it went well enough, my stuffs mellow so it didn't shake the place up and I don't sing so it was what it was. I performed the following two more weeks and realized. I love playing guitar but I don't particularly like getting up there on stage and hearing it played back through the speakers in front of me, loud enough so I can't actually hear my guitar and quite frankly I discovered I wasn't having fun, I guess I thought this is what I "should" be doing because that's what my friends were doing. I mean, you play guitar and that means you should perform for others and friends repeated that phrase when I told them I wasn't going to do that anymore. So I haven't gone back but think I will as just audience because I really enjoy it. I worked behind a camera in the motion film industry for over thirty years, shooting commercials and films and everything was about becoming "it" a star, even if it was just for the day and I saw how it can really ruin a persons love for doing some things. I have a lot of friends now who are musicians and perform weekly around town. They absolutely love getting up there and performing. I get it, it's their thing but it's also okay to play music and not be on stage. Playing while hanging out with friends, now that I remember loving from my college years and maybe I'll look at that when I get better with a harmonica.
Last Edited by New but determined on Nov 28, 2015 12:39 PM
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SuperBee
2994 posts
Nov 28, 2015
2:34 PM
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I considered how to write about jams on this thread many times, but gave it up each time, and I'm glad I did, at least until after you played the Ziggies jam.
I feel about jams much the way NBD described...I feel that there's sometimes a 'should' factor involved and even maybe doing it one time may be important psychologically as a 'coming out' statement to oneself. After that though, I think the importance of jamming is less clear. If one enjoys it on some level, of course just go for it, but if you find yourself making unconvincing excuses to avoid it, it may be its just not appealing to you and that is 100% totally ok, because I think that participating in public blues jams is very often not such a beneficial activity for learning to play in an ensemble anyway...if one has ambition to be a performer, maybe it will help you develop a thick skin and give you something to think about, learn about the stage and its inherent challenges...but mainly I think it teaches in these ways by demonstrating negatives and stimulating problem-solving thoughts...
There are good jams no doubt, and I suspect Ziggies is one of the best...
Mainly though, there is no obligation to be a public jammer...I really think there a lot more ways to derive satisfaction and enjoyment for a harp player
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Rontana
229 posts
Nov 28, 2015
5:50 PM
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It's good hearing what you guys have to say, Superbee and NBD especially, as the idea of "you should want to perform" is very prevalent. It's always bugged me, enough so that sometimes it discouraged me from playing entirely.
I played drums when i was a kid up into my 20s, and have messed with guitar/banjo/dulcimers most of my life (taught myself to build a variety of stringed instruments . . . have built and sold over 100).
But, folks never seemed to understand that i didn't want to perform or entertain. I just wanted to make music, whether by myself or with a couple of good friends. i just like the sound and the feel and the soul of it all
Heck, i've spent most of my adult years (I'm 56 now) living in the backwoods and making a living as a writer. Gettin' up on a stage is not something i ever wanted (though I did do it a couple times with guitar) but people often seem to think that loving music, and loving to make music goes hand in hand with loving to perform in front of an audience. That's just not necessarily true.
I appreciate knowing that others have similar sentiments to mine. Hell, i just thought I was an oddity about this.
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ME.HarpDoc
45 posts
Nov 28, 2015
5:59 PM
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Interesting thoughts. Personally, I'm using a jam to share my love of music. My persona is such that if i like something, I want others to enjoy it with me. The people who play at and attend blues jams around here get it. I enjoy being in their company whether I'm playing or not.
My wife is just not a music fan of any genre. Her favorite exclamation is "could you turn that down?!". My close friends at best tolerate my harp playing, but never request it or really want to hear it. So for me, a blues jam is a way to be among blues affectionados and a way to play with others (I have no musical acquaintances to play with otherwise) and enjoy the music. So getting over that anxiety was important to me and I'm past it.
I believe in the theory that if you play in the company of those better than you, whether it's music, sports, business or just about any endeavor, you can rise to their level or at least do better than without them. So that's what I plan to do.
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New but determined
13 posts
Nov 28, 2015
8:00 PM
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Harp Doc- Yup, and you're like most of my musician friends and until this post I've never come across another who had a similar feeling as myself when it comes to performing. But also I'm very negatively jaded by the show business thing because of what I did for a career. I now have friends who always have some kind of old guitar in the car and will perform at the mere thought of playing. Even as retired I still love taking photos and go to the local farmers market every Sunday afternoon to take pictures. While I have taken photos of some buskers, I mostly love listening to them and watching them perform- hey it's the best show and only a buck. I keep a bunch of ones in my pocket for the buskers. A lot of the performers at the open mic I used to go to, were street musicians (buskers). They're kind of high on my list as special people but I'm not one of them, simply one who appreciates.FX798k
Last Edited by New but determined on Nov 28, 2015 8:01 PM
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MindTheGap
800 posts
Nov 30, 2015
12:45 AM
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This discussion is a breath of fresh air.
There is definitely a general sense around MBH that you're supposed to be learning an instrument because you want to get up in front of an audience and perform. And then there are even more harp/blues specific pressures around playing at public jams.
There was a time when playing music wasn't just for designated 'musicians' but a family/friends entertainment or indeed a solitary entertainment. I remember my Welsh grandmother bashing out popular songs from her young days on the piano - from the days when ever parlour had a piano in it. There was no sense that she learnt that music in order to play in public. The popular music biz was about selling sheet music for home entertainment.
Myself, I do like playing music with other people, particularly with friends. This time round I put together such a band - specifically NOT to perform, but just to enjoying playing. As it turns out, opportunities arose and we do perform and get paid actually (another must-have apparently). We have something like residency gig at club were we rehearse and that's a lot of fun.
What I can say is that rehearsing towards playing in public does have musical benefits beyond the event itself. It gives particular kind of motive and cadence to rehearsals that is difficult to get any other way.
I tried a local jam, and while it was a good experience, it wasn't the kind of music I wanted to play (it was pretty loud blues-rock) and it was clear that I'd not get much playing time in. I could imagine a good blues jam being not unlike playing with friends/family in that you've got a ready, appreciative audience and everyone's pointing in the same direction. That's what I'd be looking for.
Point is as amateurs there is only the one motive: enjoyment. And that can take many forms from solitary playing to playing to an anonymous paying public. I reject the idea that there playing in public somehow justifies your music any more than playing to the cat at home.
Playing professionally - and I'm do mean as really as a living, not just as a paying hobby - that's a different thing altogether.
Your own jam may be a happy supportive place, but I can report that there is definitely potential downside to playing to a crowd that includes musicians or would-be musicians. There's a lot of one-upmanship goes on, and you can tell it a mile off. When it's clear you're a rank beginner, you're normally immune. Anything above that - get ready for the criticism sandwiches :)
Last Edited by MindTheGap on Nov 30, 2015 1:13 AM
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ME.HarpDoc
47 posts
Nov 30, 2015
5:03 PM
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@MTG
Thanks for your input in this beginner's forum. You've raised some interesting points for me to ponder, the most important of which is enjoyment.
I am fortunate to have a local jam focused on blues with obvious support for all the players old and new. There is also some occasional one upmanship, especially where guitars are involved.
However this at best gets me 3-4 songs to play along with. So in addition, I think I'll feel out the possibility of getting a few musicians together to just jam at someone's house where we can spend time. Of course jam tracks are always available but personal feedback would seem to be helpful.
Again, thanks for the experience you and folks like SuperBee bring to this forum.
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